I buy notebooks. I start journals. I make big plans. I get bored. I abandon journals. I throw away notebooks. And then I buy notebooks.
This has been my shame spiral for as long as I can remember. Every August when we went school supply shopping, every time we stopped in Office Max, even now when I drop by Target for dog food or laundry detergent – I can always find a reason to buy a notebook.
It’s not that there’s anything wrong with my current notebook (and I do always have a current notebook). It’s just that I get the itch for something new, something fresh, something never marked or scribbled or erased. And in the time it takes me to impulse buy a Miquelrius graph paper journal (my personal favorite), I’ve ditched my old notebook and moved on to a new one…which I’ll write in faithfully until one day, in the school supplies aisle, I’ll start to feel that itch again…
All of this is to say that I’ve been considering doing the same thing with this blog. It feels like it’s gotten boring. I don’t know how to change it. Wouldn’t it be easier to just start something new?
I won’t lie – I haven’t decided NOT to. I’m parked on top of a few different cute/clever/kitschy URLs and I’ve nearly jumped ship half a dozen times this month. But I’ve been here for YEARS now. My oldest post on this blog is from June 2009 – the month before I married Josh and started life as I know it today. I can’t ditch all that, can I?
No. I can’t. And I won’t. But I do want to change some things around here. I’ve been asking myself lately why I blog in the first place. I keep getting caught up before I post, worried what people I know might think, worried that I’m not fashionable enough to post outfits or domestic enough to post recipes or creative enough to post photography. I want to find a way to shake all of that off and just post because it’s fun, because I like to write and bake and take pictures and accessorize. I need to move past the feeling that I need to be an expert in order to say anything at all.
This is supposed to be the scrapbook of my life! And the moments when I love this blog the most are when I look back over how far I’ve come since June 2009 – but in order to enjoy the memories, I’ve got to record them, right?
So I won’t buy a new notebook just yet.